Archive for the ‘Professional Sarcasm’ Category

Now that John McCain has secured enough delegates to lock Mike “I Didn’t Major In Math” Huckabee out of the GOP presidential race, Ann…or should I say Stan…Coulter is supposed to be campaigning for Hillary Clinton.

To quote the great Judge Smails of Bushwood…

“Wellllll? We’re waiting!”


A headline today from AFP declares:

US says captured papers reveal Qaeda in Iraq weakened

The story tells how Al-Qaeda forces in Iraq are shrinking.  

Of course, there’s no mention of the fact that Al-Qaeda wasn’t even in Iraq until sometime after March, 2003. But why quibble with historical fact when there’s a dog to be wagged.


I’ve completed my proposed 2008 budget for the radio stations. I’ve taken cues from our current “leadership” (wow, is THAT term used loosely here) to complete it.  Here it is:

1. I’m increasing the external advertising (read: “defense“) by a couple hundred thousand. (Actually, advertising is “offense”, but that’s the way our administration has treated our military since 2003, so the comparison is perfect.)

2. I’m also increasing the maintenance cost of the building by purchasing a bunch of new equipment and replacing things that still function just fine (read: “earmarks” and “even more defense“), and I’m not really setting a cost on that, it’ll just be a surprise. (more…)


My prediction: That will be the date (gotta give the new prez a couple of days to acclimate) on which the rank and file of the GOP will denounce “waterboarding” as “torture” and wonder why the president isn’t doing anything about it.


In the wake of the Worst President Ever’s latest flaunting of U.S. Law (Mexican trucks continue to roll unimpeded over the border, despite a law passed to the contrary), it’s time average Joe’s like you and me got to issue “Signing Statements” on laws we’re simply going to ignore.trucksimage1.jpg

So, as of tonight, I’m not even going to pretend anymore. I am signing a statement intending to completely disregard speeding laws anywhere in the U.S., outside of city limits and school zones. I will continue to obey speed limits in town and around schools, but like our WPE, I will totally ignore the law where speeding on Interstates and rural highways is concerned. I’ve already informed several of my deputy friends, as well as a couple of my state trooper friends, so they know to ignore me if I happen to be going well over the speed limit.

As an American, and therefore supposedly with the same rights as our WPE, I make this declaration valid for as long as I feel like it, until I’m tired of driving fairly fast (which I don’t envision happening for quite some time). Thanks, WPE, for giving me ONE thing positive in your pathetic seven years in office. I invite everyone who reads to add their signing statements, but let’s not abuse them…unlike the WPE…let’s just all go for one signing statement apiece.

If you could ignore one law, which one would it be?


So the loud, annoying, but non-stinging or biting Cicadas are going to make their first appearance in 17 years this spring.

http://www.pjstar.com/stories/042907/TRI_BD2LFCIF.020.php

Two thoughts come to mind:

1) Once every 17 years, in other words, they are brave enough to appear in public more often than Vonster.

2) 17 years…big deal. The Cubs haven’t burrowed out of their holes for 99 years, and we still don’t know when they’ll finally come out again.