Road Kill Roundup

I saw a letter to the Journal Star bemoaning all of the road kill being allowed to rot on the sides of our Illinois highways last week. I agree, btw, it is sad to see that we have to do this. With the price of gas, the powers that be are making the pickup crews stay in the office more, apparently, and making the rounds less. Of course, in typical Peoria-area fashion, the letter and the following comments all had to take shots at Illinois and it’s governor for this. No one blames the real culprit, but why would they? It wouldn’t be very “Peorian” to lay blame in the proper location.

Be that as it may, however, I was satisfied (can’t say “delighted”, it’s never a “delight” when an animal dies such a horrific death as being squashed by a semi tractor) to see that Illinois is not alone. There were three times as many dead deer, opossum, and raccoons dead along Iowa highways yesterday. I traveled 20 miles north of Waterloo for my son’s graduation, and was amazed at how many deer lay dead, and in various states of decay, along the roadsides.

Wonder if there’s any Peoria right wingers who’d like to blame Blago for IOWA’s problem with roadkill, too?

Look, I don’t care what you think of the governor of Illinois, obviously, he’s not the best guy to come down the pike (still, not any worse than the joker he followed), but for Pete’s sakes, people, can’t you see why the crews aren’t on the road? Gas is freakin’ four dollars a gallon! And that is NOT the fault of the governor of Illinois, or the state legislature, for that matter. Put the blame where it belongs.

You want animal carcasses picked up? Call Dick Cheney, he’s probably got plenty of spare time between counting oil dividends.

Oh, one more thing: If they WERE out picking up every dead animal every day, I’m sure some right-wingnut around Peoria would right a letter and blame Blago for WASTING gas.

I Want To Be Served In The Order I Arrived…Is That Too Much To Ask? Apparently, It Is

I have sworn off going inside fast food restaurants. I’m trying to swear them off altogether, but that’s another story for another time. Today’s story is about service.

It’s bad enough when they can’t get your order right…and it matters not where you go: Golden Arches, some guy with a crown, a freckled girl with pigtails, or the ice cream place masquerading as a hamburger joint…any of them. But, I’d settle for the occasional mistake on my order anymore just to get served in the order I arrived.

As I said, I don’t go inside. I always get ticked. It doesn’t matter what line I get in,  some dude who blows in five minutes after me gets to order first, because I’ve gotten stuck behind either the “I’m ordering for the whole soccer team” mom, or the “I’ve never been here before” geek, or the “don’t rush me, I’ll order when I’m good and ready, and I’ll pay when I finally get my wallet out of my purse after 12 minutes” blue hair. So I won’t go inside.

Instead, I go for the speedy “drive thru” service. That way, I know I’ll not get screwed in line, because I’ll get served in the order I pulled into line, and I’m happy with that. Um, not so fast. A few years ago, I heard for the first time,  “can you pull ahead and we’ll bring it right out to you?” because, heaven forbid, I’ve ordered chicken nuggets, which take a little longer to cook. Never mind that they should be ready, but now I’ve got to pull ahead and wait while the dude who got here after me gets served? No way. I tell ‘em no. I tell them, “sorry, but I’d rather not. I’ll wait for my food and get it in order, thank you.”  You should see the look on their faces.

So, I’ve got that problem nailed. Ahh, now we can just sit back and know we’ll get served in the order….ARRRGHHH! Along comes McDonald’s with the sickening new “double drive thru” lanes. Sh*t! And it never fails, EVERY time I get to the speaker, the guy behind me gets to the OTHER speaker, gets to order BEFORE me even though he’s arrived AFTER me, and then sticks the nose of his car in the back seat of the car in front of us so I can’t get in.

Pisses…me…off.

So, McDonald’s: See ya.

One down.

“Lead Foot” B.S.

Let me first state I think Phil Luciano is a great columnist, and I am always entertained by his writing style, and “get it” when it comes to Phil’s sense of humor. He’s damn good at what he does in the paper.  But I take, shall we say, significant umbrage at yesterday’s baloney-filled column about speeding v. fuel economy.

Phil bought too far into the claims of his unnamed veteran cop “source” for this story.

This officer claims he’s surprised…I’m sorry, he said “flabbergasted”…that people are “still driving like maniacs” with fuel nearing $4.00 per gallon.

Excuse me, buddy, but I do NOT “drive like a maniac”, and just because one speeds he/she is not a “maniac”. So let’s cut the hyperbole here. To me, the “maniacs” are the a-holes who run stop signs, don’t use signals, change lanes without warning, accelerate through left-turn lane yellow- and red-lights, and follow other cars too damn close. THOSE are the “maniacs”, and those people don’t have to “speed” to be an idiot.

Beyond that, though, let’s examine the claims in the story and the math around them:

According to AAA Motor Club, Phil says, decreasing speed from 75 to 65 MPH increases fuel economy by 10%, and decreasing speed from 70 to 55 MPH increases fuel economy by 17%. First, simple math tells us that even if these claims are true (they’re not), they don’t make a lot of sense. A decrease from 75 to 65 MPH is a decrease of 14% (and an increase in time needed to arrive at the destination by that same 14%). Ever heard the phrase “time is money”? Well, in sales, it’s true. So to effectively increase my mileage by 10%, I’ve got to slow down 14% and waste more time driving. Not a good deal.

And the other example given is just as bad…to get a 17% claimed (again, not true) increase in mileage, I’ve got to slow down by 22%! In other words, my 100-minute drives back and forth to Canton everyday become 122 minutes, and I spend another one hour and forty minutes in just one week (that’s a LOT of time I could be working at my desk or making sales calls) driving my car back and forth, only to see my mileage (supposedly) increase.

But alas, it doesn’t work that way in all vehicles. Hell, it doesn’t work that way in any vehicles that I know of. Cars, like golf clubs, baseball bats, and numerous other man-made items, have a “sweet spot”. Each one is different. Some vehicles (mine, for instance) achieve peak gas mileage at higher speeds, because of the gearing and how it matches to the “sweet spot” for engine RPM.

After reading it yesterday, I did a little test this morning. I topped off my tank and headed up to I-80, where I zeroed out my trip computer and set the cruise at 70. My drive from Annawan to Ottawa netted 24.8 MPG according to GM’s uncannily accurate dashboard trip-computer that I’m happy my Grand Prix came with. On the way back, I topped off, zeroed out the CPU and set the cruise at 55. Yes, on I-80. No rush to get back. Same trip, same miles. According to Phil and the AAA Motor Club, I should have seen my mileage increase to 27.3 MPG. Um, no. Try 24.2 MPG. Yep, my car gets worse mileage at 55 than it does at 70 in the same conditions. (Okay, it was four degrees warmer, for you engineer types).

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Gave It A Shot And…Nope, Still Staying Away

After not watching more than two laps of NAZICAR racing all year, I flipped away from NBA playoff action for a few minutes to see what indeed was up these days in the world of big league stock car racing, the once-great sport that has been ruined by a greedy, bigoted sanctioning body. Thought I’d “give ‘em a shot”, and see if there was any reason to go back to watching.

First, what was I hoping to see?  Well, for starters, I was hoping to see a) Toyota getting pummeled; b) Darrell Waltrip not allowed to speak on the broadcast; c) less religion; d) the ability to tell exactly what kind of car a driver was wheeling just by looking at it. Those things would be nice.

What did I actually see? Cars that are still identical except for decals (sucks), the ones with “toyota” on them doing well (sucks), and Darrell Waltrip not only talking about religion (as usual) but also excited about the fact that a car sponsored by Dr. Dobson and Focus on the Family (pure evil man and organization) was running well, and then I had to listen to Darrell tell us how he couldn’t wait to see Dr. Dobson at the upcoming National Day of Prayer.

Um, dudes, this is freakin’ sports, not a revival meeting. Nor is it supposed to be a commercial for christianity. But, sad to say, the reasons I left NAZICAR behind are still quite prevalent on the broadcasts. And I can only imagine what the rest of the day was like, I only watched about 30 (of 188) laps. Wow.

Hey Pervert, You Picked The Wrong Occupation

So another teacher gets sent to the big house, this one for 48-years, for molesting two kids, ages 7 and 8. He got what he deserved. But I’m going to offer up a little career advice to him anyway:

If you wanted to be a perv and abuse defenseless kids and not go to jail, you should have become a priest, not a teacher.

Five Dumb Things We Do In America

Not the five dumbest, necessarily, and not in any particular order, but here are five things we do in this country that just don’t seem to make a lot of sense:

1. Put so-called “Deadbeat Dads” in jail. - Perfect. That’ll help ‘em support their kids. Lock them up so they CAN’T work and make payments. Good idea. That really helps the child, doesn’t it?

2. Race through the terminal to get a good “spot” at the luggage conveyer. And for that matter, why must we all crowd around that conveyer and elbow and shove each other around just to pick up a bag that no one else wants anyway?

3. Speaking of pushing and shoving, Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. In reality, the sales aren’t all that great, and you end up getting angry trying to find a parking spot, which puts you in a bad mood before you enter the mall, which means you’re more likely to push and shove someone out of the way while battling for the same overpriced game system that will be $100 less in six months…

4. Give someone the finger when they pass you. What good does this do? Is this supposed to make you feel superior? If you’re driving 48 in a 55 just to tick people off, why then do you also feel the need to finger everyone that passes you as they choose to drive 55 or 60? Does this make you tougher? (Full disclosure, this did NOT happen to me this morning, it happened to Diane. A pretty, innocent young woman who would never hurt anyone. But the idiot fingered her as he was driving 45 on a two-lane state highway.)

5. Watch “American Idol”. Of all of the so-called “reality shows”, this has always been my least favorite. And the show is turning out to be “the Big Lie”. Seriously, name the past winners of the show (some people actually can)…and then name all of the smash #1 hits they’ve had on the music charts since they won the show. These people don’t become “idols”, much to the chagrine of profiteer Simon Cowell. Yet the idiots in this country still register more votes for this drivel than they do on Election Day. Amazin’.

It’s “pleaded”, not “pled”.

I heard Tazewell County State’s Attorney Stu Umholtz use “pled” in a soundbite on WMBD news the other morning, and to me it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I’ve talked about it before, but “pleaded”  is the proper term. “Pled” has now crept into “accepted” vernacular not because it’s correct, but simply because it’s used all the time.  If anyone should know the proper usage, it should be a State’s Attorney, eh?

Before the next time you say “pled”, though, think about these:

Property is “deeded,” not “ded”.

The Cat “kneaded,” not “kned”.

Plants are “seeded,” not “sed”

Gardens are “weeded,” not “wed”

And this argument from the “pled” crowd should be “conceded”,  not “conced”.

What Possesses People?

Anyone who reads this knows what kind of drivers tick me off. But I just wonder aloud here…what possesses people to act like they do?

Case in point: I’m heading to Peoria Saturday afternoon, leaving Kewanee about 4:55pm. I get behind a large pickup with a topper and about a 1/2 ton of rusted metal at a stoplight. As the light turns green, it takes him forever to get to the 35 MPH speed limit. No big deal, I put up with this all the time. Frustrating, but what can you do? Nothing. As you’re leaving Kewanee to the south, the speed limit goes from 35 to 55 instantly, no 45 zone. Again, the trip from 35 to 50 takes about an hour and a half on this day. Still no biggie. I’m way back (I DO NOT follow too closely, I like to build up to pass from a proper distance). But he stops at 50. In a 55. I’d like to go 55. Or 63.  So I prepare to pass.

We hit the first eligible passing zone and I make my move. Suddenly, his truck is going much faster. I shake my head, fall back in line behind him and say to myself “here we go again…why do assholes do this?”  We climb a hill, suddenly we’re going 47 or 48.

Next passing zone, this one a much longer stretch.  I kick it down, and easily have the power to get past him, even as he is - again - trying to keep me from passing by accelerating. As I go by him, I glance up to see an extended and pudgy little middle finger. Typical. Why the hell do people do this? What possesses people to be such jerks?  It’s sickening.

BTW, unlike some other jag bags who then tailgate you as if you’re at Daytona after you pass them, this guy settled back into his 48 MPH drone as I watched more cars stack up behind him, while I was alone - safer - by being ahead of this dude. I wonder how many other people he fingered? I wonder why he does it? I wonder when someone is going to pull him over, pull him out of his rust bucket, and break the pudgy little middle finger in 22 pieces?

Maddening Driving Habit #632

Why is it here in Illinois that people refuse to dim their lights until the last possible second, if at all? Is it that hard? Are the drivers that selfish?

Particularly maddening is as you approach a hill, you can see the glow from the oncoming car’s lights, and they’re bright. I ALWAYS dim my lights BEFORE I crest a hill, because that’s how I was TAUGHT to drive by my instructor in Minnesota. Common courtesy, it’s called. Also has something to do with safety. I don’t know how many times I’ve done this recently, dimming my lights well in advance of line-of-sight of an oncoming vehicle behind a hill, only to see the other driver just leave his/her brights on until we’re right on top of each other, meeting at the top of the hill, and I’m momentarily blinded. Thanks, jerks.

Another aspect of this is interstate highway driving. Just because there’s separation between the four lanes does NOT mean you can simply leave your lights on bright when approaching other vehicles. The most frustrating of all is when you give an oncoming car a flick of the brights…several times…and you simply get ignored. If I’m WRONG and you’re already on dim, then show me. If I’m RIGHT, then dim your damn lights, arsehole.

Besides, with improved headlights and the increase in “driving lights” on newer cars (we used to call them “fog lights”), there’s little need to EVER have your brights on unless you’re alone on a two lane road.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most people that do this around here do it on purpose. Just to be an ass. Guess what? Mission accomplished.

“Funny” blog

Making fun of bad punctuation has always been a pastime of mine, and apparently this blog’s owner as well.

Response To The Pundit’s Latest Blast At The PCC

Billy’s whining about the Civic Center again.

In my 11 years in the Peoria area, I’ve been to events at the Civic Center about 650 times…as best I can guess. That includes almost 400 Rivermen games, a few dozen concerts, 10 or 11 car shows, home and boat shows, state basketball tournaments, March Madness experience, a few comics/broadway shows in the Theatre, and a few business connections/functions.  I’ve also been to the old Vonachen Stadium dozens of times, and the gorgeous O’Brien Field dozens of times, and not just for baseball.

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Barroid Bonds Ties Record, BJ Stone Announces Retirement From Watching Baseball

So the WBC (World’s Biggest Cheater) finally hit number 755 Saturday night to tie the great Henry Aaron. And with that, I’ve officially given major league baseball my last dime, and my last minute of attention. Let me know how the season turns out. I told my friends this is what I’d do, and I’m doing it. No more baseball until they fix this Bonds mess. Preferably with jail time.

Not long ago, a friend asked me, “why do they even pitch to the guy? If he’s so hated, why not just walk him every time until the guy just quits?”

I have the answer to that.  Bonds hit his homer last night against a little known reliever named Clay Hensley. Hensley’s claim to fame? Two years ago, he himself was suspended for steroids while in the minors. Nice, huh? He’s a guy that wouldn’t mind giving up that dinger, because he’s a guy who wouldn’t give two twits about Bonds using ‘roids, about Bonds increasing his head size after the age of 30 by using human growth hormone. He doesn’t care, because he’s a cheater, too.

Baseball. Used to be great. Sad.

I Have A Huge Idea

We tried to attend a movie at Rave Motion Pictures last night. We love the theatre, have been big fans since it opened. But last night we had to walk out. Was it the fault of the theatre? Of course not, it was the fault of the inconsiderate, arrogant, asinine women (mother and daughter) behind us.  They sat quietly through the previews, then, as soon as the actual show started, they began to talk. Loudly. Mostly the daughter. So I turned around and gave them a glance. No words, just a glance. The talking persisted, and actually got louder. Plus, they added the lovely little noise of crumpling paper into the situation. You know, like reaching into a bag of candy. Except it went on…non stop. Non. Stop. She was doing it on purpose. Diane turned around, again, no words, just a look. The sound got louder. So we got up and walked out.

We asked if we could attend a later showtime for the same movie, and explained our problem. The manager was the greatest, and he had another showing of the same movie in 25 minutes, which he told us to attend. He then went inside the theatre we came from, hopefully to shut the two bee-yatches up.

So here’s my idea. Instead of “Please Be Quiet” signs flashed on the screen prior to showtime, how about this slide:

Frustrating Driving Habits, #254, #415 & #179

Donchya just love the guys who drive 52 MPH on a lonely rural two lane highway (not to get specific, but let’s say, Illinois Route 78 between Kewanee and Canton), and then drive the same 52 MPH (or actually sometimes speed up) when going through little map dots where the posted limit is 45 (again, without being too specific, let’s say, for example, Laura or West Jersey on Illinois Route 78 between Kewanee and Canton)?

Those guys tick me off.

But not nearly as much as THIS guy:

The dude who drives somewhere between 49-53 on uphill “No Passing” zones, then suddenly finds it within himself to drive 62-66 in the zones where passing is allowed. Then, when you DO pass him he tried to not allow that by ramping it up to 70, 75, or 80 as you try to go by.

Still not as bad as THIS guy:

The guy who is cruising along on the Interstate at 67 or 68 MPH, but when you go by at 71 or 72, he chooses to latch onto your rear bumper to the point where you can see what part of lunch is still hanging off his mustache. He won’t PASS you, mind you, but by golly he’s going to be your new trailer you didn’t order. He’s also the guy that, when you slow down to his previous speed of 67, pulls into the left lane like he’s going to pass…and then doesn’t, instead sitting dangerously in your blind spot over your left shoulder, like the second goose in a “V”. That is among the most dangerous moves in all of driving, yet I see it all the time. Bottom line…if you haven’t got the cajones to travel 71 (which you’ll never be stopped for) by yourself, don’t make me your “front door” and expect me to like it. If/when a trooper decides to fill the state’s coffers by stopping a dude doing 71, the SMART troopers (and I know MANY who do this), will grab the second guy in line, the tailgater, the shoulder holder, the blind spot filling moron, before they’ll stop the first guy (me). Because they can see what’s really going on.

So, a message to the silver Toyota from Friday evening…grow a set, or let your wife drive.

An Idea

I see where the catholic church (or more correctly, the vatican) has released a “10 commandments” for driving, rules of the road, if you will.

I’ve got an idea…instead, how about if the church works harder to protect young alter boys from getting molested by pedophile priests and I’ll worry about my own driving. Sound fair?

One For The Wordsmiths

Today on ESPN, I heard a reporter use the term “pled guilty”, and to me it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard. It did not used to bother me, but then an editor - and he was a good one - at the newspaper I wrote for in Carson City, NV, explained to me why it should bother me.

I said “I think he pled guilty,” one day in the newsroom in response to a question, and was quickly admonished by the aforementioned editor.  He said that “pleaded” was the proper legal term, that “pled” was another of those lazy versions of words that, while incorrect, were becoming accepted simply because people used them and those advocating correct usage were being outnumbered.

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Use Your Head…And COVER It.

I like motorcycles. Don’t own one, not sure if I ever would, what with all my other interests, I don’t know when I’d find the time to ride. But I like ‘em.  I think they’re pretty cool.

That being said, when I saw a dad cruising the other day with what looked to be about a nine-year old girl on the back…and neither one of them wore helmets or had their legs covered, I wanted to pull up next to him and ask him where his head was at. Leave your own head uncovered? I don’t care, you’re an adult, and since the laws are so screwed up in this state that it’s not required, that’s his perogative. But at least put a helmet on your little girl, for Pete’s sake. I get so pissed when I see this stuff.

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Dude, Back Off, Please!

I’m grocery shopping today, checking out, and the guy behind me decides he’s going to try to share my clothes with me as I’m entering my PIN in the debit card pad.

You know the kind…as you’re getting ready to unload your cart, you try to move from behind to in front of your cart, and his cart hits you in the ass as you try to move. Then, as you start to unload your cart, his cart rams into yours while he is busy gaining all of his weekly knowledge from The Enquirer.

You know the kind…after you get you last item on the conveyer belt and put the little stick down behind your items, he moves the stick to within 1 millimeter of your bread and starts piling his stuff on the belt, like that’s going to make things go faster.

You know the kind…as you’re paying, he’s trying to watch your fingers to see if his PIN is the same as yours. Then, as you start to put the items in your cart to leave, his kids leap past you start to play in the five foot area between you and the door, putting you in a redneck-family sandwich.  

I….HATE…these moments. I need my personal space. I would like to have at least 10 inches between me and the guy behind me, let alone the three feet that would be more polite. One of these days, I’m going to revert back to my high school basketball days and box the guy out until Diane has my cart completely paid for and loaded, and THEN he can start to put his crap on the conveyer belt. We’ll see how he likes it.

Everything They Step In Turns To…Stuff You Don’t Want To Step In

Does this administration TRY to have irony involved in every scandal?

The first guy (Dept. Secretary of State Randy Tobias) to resign over public revelations of him having used the services of the Pamela Martin Company (D.C. Madam) was the guy who was also in charge of Bush’s global AIDS relief program, which, of course, stresses abstinence as the best way to avoid further cases of AIDS developing. 

C’mon, are you serious? You CANNOT make this stuff up. Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert don’t even have to WORK to be funny, all they have to do is read the facts with the current administration, and it’s absolutely hilarious.

Equally hilarious tonight are the Faux News hosts, led by WBL Sean Hannity (that stands for “World’s Biggest Liar”, a tough award to win considering the other finalists this year were Bill O’Rielly and Rush Limbaugh), already going into damage control.

“Do you believe in ‘innocent until proven guilty’?” bellowed Hannity tonight. Um, yeah, Sean, I do. As a matter of fact, I yelled that at your face on screen the night you ripped into John Kerry for having an illicit affair which, OH MY WORD, he DIDN’T HAVE AFTER ALL!

I love it. I can’t wait to see who else’s names are on that list of clients.

Big Break in Steroid Case

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2851544

Let’s hope this is the step that gets us to suspensions, lifetime bans, and arrests for these players that are ruining the Greatest Game.

Just push the cart another six feet, lazy ass

I think it’s among the most lazy, arrogant, rude, selfish things being done in our everyday lives.

“The shopping cart in the middle of the parking spot.”

You’ve all seen it. A shopper will walk 70-100 feet or more, pushing a shopping cart from the store exit to the trunk of their car. They’ll take the time to unload it, which makes perfect sense, because after all, they did BUY the stuff, and then, they’ll walk a few feet and put the cart…oh, wait, nope, they don’t!

They leave it. Right next to their car, usually in the spot next to them, or between their car and the one next to them. Then they just drive away. Keep in mind they’re usually no more than 10-20 feet away from a “cart corral”. I’ve even sat in amazement and watched people parked NEXT to a cart corral empty the cart on the side of the car away from the corral, and then just leave the cart sit there. Can’t be bothered to walk an extra FIVE feet, I guess.

These people sicken me. If you’re one of those who does this, you sicken me. Put the freakin’ cart back where it’s supposed to go, for pete’s sakes. Three times in the last year, I’ve parked my car in front of a store and returned to find a cart bumped up against the side of it. Why even bother having a nice car anymore? Most everyone only gives a crap about themselves. 

Oh, and just so you know, since this IS a pet peeve of mine, I not only return my cart to a cart corral EVERY time, but I will grab stray ones on the way IN to a store and do the same thing, and just this evening I took a cart from an elderly gentleman outside the Kewanee Menards as I was walking to my car. He was headed for the corral, about 20 feet away, and I was going right past it, so I said “I’ve got it, sir, it’s right on my way.” He then pointed to his car and said, “thanks, you take this one, I’ll go get the other one somebody just shoved up against the door of my car.” We both just shook our heads and laughed.

A Clarification Is Needed

I’ve been hearing people call Gerry Ford “our only unelected president”. Sorry, this isn’t correct. One could make a case that Veeps who took over for assassinated presidents were “elected” because they were part of a ticket…I understand that. But what about 2000? Love him or hate him (and I worry about anyone who still would fall into the “love” category), Bush didn’t “win” the election in 2000. He did, however, get SELECTED by the Supreme Court to serve in the Oval Office. There was no winner in 2000, therefore, the person who took over in January 2001 was not “elected”. I’d say the same damn thing if Al Gore would have been selected by the Court.

Maddening Driving Habits, #254

Don’t you just love it when you come up behind someone dutifully rolling along right at the speed limit (”good for them”, you think, “but I gotta go”), and then speed up the moment you try to slip past them?

I just love that.

Then, when you get by and set your cruise at 63 or 64 (in a 55), the dude decides to tailgate you at that same speed.

I just love that.

Here’s my message to the blue Ford dually this morning on Highway 78: If you don’t have the guts to speed out there all by yourself, stop using me as a front door. I’m open about my intentions, expectations, and possible consequences…why don’t you grow a pair and do the same?

I can’t think of any more gutless driving behavior than the driver that will follow anybody going over the limit, but refuses to lead the pack. Wimps. You think you’re smart, but you’re really not. When my uncle patrolled the highways of Minnesota, he purposely picked up the second car in line whenever he came upon a group of speeders. He figured (rightly so) that the second guy was just using the first guy to do his dirty work.

Wow, I Almost Caused A Wreck

For the first time in many, many years, I almost had a car accident early this week. I have had a few close-calls (but no “near misses”, nothing that serious) in the last decade, but they’ve all been caused by someone else (idiot running stop sign, idiot not using turn signal, idiot not paying attention to traffic around him, etc.) I have avoided accidents in these situations because, quite frankly, I pay attention whilst I drive, whether or not I’m on the phone or adjusting the radio or even reading a CD liner. I don’t like accidents. They hurt. So I avoid them by paying attention and being a very good-to-excellent driver. I’m proud of that.

Well, Monday evening, I suddenly played the part of “idiot”. As I was entering I-74 from Route 78, I got up to speed, quickly catching the lady who decided to enter the highway at a rousing 48 MPH (”Things More Dangerous Than Speeding, #321″), and immediately, without checking my blind spot, moved to the left. Just in time, I noticed out of my peripheral vision a small white sedan in the left lane. I whipped back into the right lane and mouthed an “I’m sorry, my bad” while patting my chest in apologetic fashion. The gentleman waved back and showed tremendous understanding. It was the one time someone could have and should have shot me the bird. Amazingly, he did not, leaving the bird-shooting to the idiots who screw up and then finger ME. But I digress.

So I got to thinking…what made me mess up like this, I NEVER forget to check my blind spot over my left shoulder when I make this move…how did it happen?

I collected my thoughts: Nope, wasn’t on the phone…there it sits in the console; nope, CD player isn’t even ON, so it couldn’t be that; not eating; not reading a map or newspaper or CD jacket; I don’t smoke so it can’t be that; seat belt is on so I can’t say it was that; I wasn’t drinking a soda or iced tea, don’t have one at this time; I don’t wear makeup or brush my teeth while driving…could it, could it, could it be? YES! I was DOING NOTHING!!!!

That’s right, I wasn’t doing anything. Not a thing. Just sitting behind the wheel spacing off. So could I then make the case that “doing nothing” causes a fall-off in concentration? “Doing nothing” caused me to daydream and not pay attention to my driving? Could I say that there wasn’t enough external stimuli to keep me focused? Could I say that? Well, yes, I can say that!

So I am. I’m saying it. So now let’s see the powers that be start a study on this, and maybe when they’re taking my cell phone away they can also make a law that says “you can’t just sit and DO NOTHING but drive. DOING NOTHING causes the distraction of DAYDREAMING, and is now illegal.” I want to see that.

In other words, you want my cell phone? Kiss my daydreaming, non-distracted, almost-wreck causing rear.

Great Line From John Dean

While visiting with Jon Stewart last night, John Dean said, “I’m still very much a Goldwater Republican…which today makes me left of center apparently.”

How true. I’ve got this little graph I draw for people that shows how the “Center” has been manipulated to the right BY the right in the last 30 years, and it’s alternately sad, frightening and disgusting. Wise thinking people who would have been smack dab in the middle in a very prosperous America of the 50’s and 60’s are now portrayed as “the liberal left” daily, with idiots like Limbaugh, Hannity, and Coulter perpetrating the ruse.

So the true centrists (yours truly would be one) are portrayed as “liberal”, and the fringe right, small in numbers but loud in bullying tactics, makes that seem as if it’s a dirty word. I know this drives GOP’ers nuts, but the best “Republican” president of the last 40 years (according to what the Republican platform is SUPPOSED to be, not the Bush platform) has been…Bill Clinton.