Good Year For The Outlaw

We tried to attend a movie at Rave Motion Pictures last night. We love the theatre, have been big fans since it opened. But last night we had to walk out. Was it the fault of the theatre? Of course not, it was the fault of the inconsiderate, arrogant, asinine women (mother and daughter) behind us.  They sat quietly through the previews, then, as soon as the actual show started, they began to talk. Loudly. Mostly the daughter. So I turned around and gave them a glance. No words, just a glance. The talking persisted, and actually got louder. Plus, they added the lovely little noise of crumpling paper into the situation. You know, like reaching into a bag of candy. Except it went on…non stop. Non. Stop. She was doing it on purpose. Diane turned around, again, no words, just a look. The sound got louder. So we got up and walked out.

We asked if we could attend a later showtime for the same movie, and explained our problem. The manager was the greatest, and he had another showing of the same movie in 25 minutes, which he told us to attend. He then went inside the theatre we came from, hopefully to shut the two bee-yatches up.

So here’s my idea. Instead of “Please Be Quiet” signs flashed on the screen prior to showtime, how about this slide:

So, I’ve just finished my second review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry”. Both reviews trashed the movie mercilessly. Words like “sophomoric”, “imbecilic”, “offensive”, “alleged comedy” and “highly suspect premise”.

Um, yeah, it’s A-D-A-M S-A-N-D-L-E-R. I get a kick out of Sandler, but to the best of my recollection I’ve only ever paid to see one of his movies in the theatre (”The Longest Yard”). However, after reading what these prissy prima donnas have to say, I’m paying to see this one. And I’ll bet it’s absolutely freakin’ hilarious. Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, Sandler, cameo from Rob Schnieder, off-color jokes…yep, the recipe for funny.

The last movie I felt the critics felt this way about? “Wild Hogs”. Guess what…it WAS hilarious.

I go to the movies be entertained for 90-120 minutes. Nothing more. Give me popcorn, a Dr. Pepper, and shut up, ‘cuz I’m just there to be entertained. If I’m not, I’ll say so. That’s all I ask for. Entertain me. Premise? Usually doesn’t matter. Politically correct? Usually doesn’t matter. Just make me pay attention. Critics should try to watch a movie from that angle JUST ONCE.

I get so sick of critics. These people wouldn’t know comedy if Milton Berle did a spit take in their face.

This time, some DVD’s I’d take with me if I was going to the proverbial deserted island, and in no particular order. The only stipulation is they have to be in my collection already.

 Top 15 action/drama:

1. Tombstone - Best. Western. Ever.
2. Crimson Tide - Hackman vs. Denzel, pretty good stuff.
3. Roadhouse - Jeff Healey’s music greatly enhances this fun fight flick. Ben Gazzara is an awesome villian.
4. Extreme Prejudice - Nick Nolte, as a Texas Ranger, matches wits with childhood friend and expatroit drug lord Powers Boothe, who battles Michael Ironside and his covert government “A-Team” in this three-headed monster of a film, also featuring Maria Conchita Alonso and Rip Torn.
5. Sahara - Matthew McConaughey and Steve Zahn in a modern-day, high tech Indiana Jones-like joyride. Also with William Macy and Penelope Cruz, based on a Clive Cussler “Dirk Pitt” novel, the best books ever.
6. Sleepers - Yes, it has Brad Pitt and Jason Patric. But they’re not there to look pretty.
7. The Siege - Denzel Washington and Annette Bening trying to crack terrorist cells. Bruce Willis as the overzealous Army General, and Tony Shalhoub as the wronged FBI agent, just because he’s of Arabic descent. Too eerie to today.
8. The Interpreter - Sean Penn is incredible, Nicole Kidman is surprisingly good as the United Nations interpreter who hears the wrong thing.
9. By Dawn’s Early Light - Powers Boothe and Rebecca DeMornay are bomber pilots, James Earl Jones is the best Air Force General ever, Martin Landau the President who gets injured badly, Darren McGavin the nutty Secretary of the Interior who briefly thinks he’s in charge, and Rip Torn as the General who wants to go ahead and start the Big One. Top movie ever to make you NOT want nuclear weapons on the planet.
10. The Saint - Val Kilmer is awesome as Simon Templar, also with Elisabeth Shue. Simon wants to get 50 mil in the bank so he can quit thieving. Shue is a brilliant but socially challenged scientist. Russian bad guys are involved. Good stuff.
11. The Jackal - Bruce Willis as a bad guy. Can’t believe this movie is 10 years old already, but it is. Richard Gere as an imprisoned Irish terrorist who is let out to try and stop Willis from his latest assassination plot. Sidney Poitier is the FBI guy. Jack Black’s cameo as the wacky Canadian gun builder is awesome. 
12. The Die Hard trilogy - I’m only counting this as one. Not a bad movie in the bunch. One overlooks the improbable stunts because Willis is just too cool.
13. The Godfather trilogy - Again, counting just one. Number 3 isn’t that special, but at least it “ends” the story. One and two are simply perfection.
14. The Hunt For Red October
15. Untouchables - Seriously, can you go without taking a couple of Sean Connery movies? I think not.

Obviously, if someone said, “you can only take 5″, I’m not going. Heck, that’s just the drama list. Haven’t even got to the sports or comedy movies yet.

Over the weekend, Diane and I rented “Bobby”. Great movie, everything ties together at the end, big stars, well done by Emilio Estavez, it was his labor of love and it shows.

Anyway, watching it, I realized the I have something in common with Bill Macy and Jim Belushi. To wit: In “Bobby”, Macy’s character is married to Sharon Stone’s hairdresser. He also is messing around with an operator played by Heather Graham. In his most recent flick, “Wild Hogs”, his love interest is played by Marisa Tomei.

Stay with me. So I’m watching “Bobby”, and there’s Demi Moore, who of course starred many years ago with Jim Belushi and Rob Lowe (Mr. Lowe is too pretty to be a part of this conversation, by the way) in “About Last Night.” Well, several years ago, I interviewed Jim Belushi, and while we were talking, I realized he’d been paired in movies with Kelly Lynch, Mel Harris and Rae Dawn Chong, and now co-stars with Courtney Thorne-Smith on TV.  He said he’d been “lucky” over the years.

What is the point? The point is that Bill Macy, Jim Belushi, and yours truly would be considered classic ”overachievers”. Average to below-average looking men who get to be paired with beautiful women. Anyone who has seen Diane knows what I’m talking about. Pretty, sexy, strong, independent, and somehow hanging with…me. So carry on, Mr. Macy. Straight ahead, Mr. Belushi. We have something in common, and that’s quite alright with me.

For some reason, I’ve been seeing a lot of Jeff Bridges on the tube lately, and you know what? That’s a good thing. Dude is talented.

11-year old Emily rented “Stick It” a couple weekends ago, and the best part of this teen chick flick was Jeff Bridges. (When Emmy rents a movie, we watch it with her, I’ve got an entire “Princess Collection” of chick-flick DVD’s sitting on the shelf just to the left of me).

The other night, “The Last American Hero” came on, with Bridges as the thinly-disguised Junior Johnson of NASCAR and moonshine fame. He was so cool in that one. Earlier this week, THE Jeff Bridges movie, “The Big Lebowski”, shows up on air. That’s one of my fav movies of all time, with Bridges sharing the comedic genius with the hilarious and underrated John Goodman. There is no doubt that “the Dude abides”. Simply a classic.

So with that in mind, I’m walking through the Evil Empire, er, Wal-mart, the other night and come across a copy of “Tucker” on DVD, in the bargain bin, for $4.88. Um, duh. A steal. So that’ll be on the agenda here soon. As will “Seabiscuit”, “Arlington Road” (another underrated gem), “Wild Bill” (he nailed it), “K-Pax” (I like Spacey, too) and whatever else I can find.

We never think about Jeff Bridges when we think of the big names on screen. He’s WAY up on my list.