“It’s time to take off our Republican hats and put on our American hats.” - John McCain…and countless other talking-point spouting GOP members, prior to Hurricane Gustav reaching the Gulf Coast.
Yep, I knew it all along. This explains everything. 
Archive for the ‘disecting the news’ Category
So another teacher gets sent to the big house, this one for 48-years, for molesting two kids, ages 7 and 8. He got what he deserved. But I’m going to offer up a little career advice to him anyway:
If you wanted to be a perv and abuse defenseless kids and not go to jail, you should have become a priest, not a teacher.
Wow, time flies. Has is really been two weeks since I posted anything new? My life is too busy.
So we’ll get back into it with some observations from the last month of headlines.
Indiana had to fire Kelvin Sampson after he continually cheated and left them no option. This from the guy, btw, that was chairman of the “ethics committee” for the main college basketball coaches association.
So once-proud Indiana is left to pick up the pieces. Who should they hire? Let’s analyze:
They need a guy who can come in and run a clean program, a disciplinarian who can clean up the current mess, and still recruit well enough to attract Big 10-level talent. He needs to somehow find kids who can win 20 games every year and make the NCAA’s (an Indiana expectation), yet the new guy should be able to graduate 98% of the players to show the higher-ups on the board of regents that the schoolwork comes first.
I wonder (…Robert…) if there’s ever been a guy (…Montgomery…) who could coach a team to 20 win seasons annually (…”Bobby”…) while still running a clean program and graduating 98% of the athletes (…Knight…).
Hmmm…. I wonder if there is such a guy out there, and I wonder if Indiana would ever consider a coach like that to be an asset. Hmmm….
The winner of the 2008 “Captain Obvious” award has already been determined…three weeks into the year. Congrats to the champion, this report:
The first two paragraphs of the AP story:
WASHINGTON - A study by two nonprofit journalism organizations found that President Bush and top administration officials issued hundreds of false statements about the national security threat from Iraq in the two years following the 2001 terrorist attacks.
The study concluded that the statements “were part of an orchestrated campaign that effectively galvanized public opinion and, in the process, led the nation to war under decidedly false pretenses.”
First of all, I could have saved them a bunch of time if they’d just called me. But be that as it may…
It appears these “hundreds of false statements…” ultimately “…led the nation to war under decidedly false pretenses…” It would follow, then, that these “false statements” could also be called hundreds of ”lies”, no? Oh, and those hundreds of lies subsequently killed 4,000 of our finest citizens. Now, tell me again, from what I understand this is not an impeachable offense but lying about an office hummer is? Okay. Whatever.
I am still a tad miffed about the whole “booming economy” discussion a couple of weeks back on Billy’s Blog, on a post originally written by Anon E. Mouse.
While visiting Iowa and my kid this weekend, I grabbed a couple of local papers (Waterloo Courier/Dubuque Telegraph-Herald) while traveling. Saturday’s Courier reported that Iowa’s poverty level is up 30%…30%…from 2000 to 2005. The state’s middle class is shrinking, too, and while wages were up 7.8% in the first half of the decade, that doesn’t come close to the 13% rate of inflation, thus the increase in poverty. The state says median income needed to increase about $4,000 more per family than it did to keep up with inflation. Wow. Booming, eh?
Hilarious headlines abound on Fixed/Faux News.com this morning. Among my favorites:
- “Women, Gay Men Are Worst Drivers”
- “Image of Jesus Appears In Potato”
- “Lesbian Lock Up”
- “Taser Parties Are The New Craze”
and, of course, under the banner “Breaking News“: “Britney Spears Released From Hospital”
When your political agenda sucks, I guess these are the headlines that best distract the public from the truth.
UPDATE: While ABC aired a GOP Presidential Debate live last night (Saturday Jan 5), while CNN was doing a story about the terrible housing market, while MSNBC was giving analysis on both the Dem and Repub presidential races, Faux was doing a 15-minute expose on Britney Spears’ finances and her current troubles.
Amazing.
An upscale grocery market in New York committed a faux pas last week, advertising a special on ham for Hanukkah. Whoops. It got me to thinking about what other specials they may offer in this obviously insensitive grocery store:
- “Name brand beers for 1/2 price when you show your grade school or junior high I.D.!”
- “Bring in a doctor’s note that you’re suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and you’ll save big on Tabasco Sauce!”
- “Anyone with an oxygen tank gets a 60% discount on cigarettes!”
- “Show us your heart medication, and we’ll show you 33% off on all red meats!”
and of course, they would also have specials in their sporting goods and clothing aisles:
- “Seniors get 40% off rollerblades! (MUST be over 65 and MUST have walker or cane with you)”
- “Huge savings on bikinis and miniskirts to any customer wearing a burka!”
Like I said, they MAY offer these specials. But probably not.
It’s always laughable to read letters to the PJS editor complaining about their “liberal” attitudes and their left-leaning ways. The PJS is far from a left wing paper. Far.
Take, for instance, today. On A1, above the fold, in bold headline, we find that the Death Tolls Are Down In Iraq. The story is a good one for the Bush Administration, overall. Actually, it’s a good one for many Americans and deserves to be front page news. But that’s not the problem. The problem today is what is NOT on the front page, above the fold. The problem is the story on page A6, the last page of the first section.
The story that says: “Report: Blackwater Is Out of Control”. Of course, this story isn’t front page at pjstar.com, either. What does the story say? The story says that a “critical report” released by a “key congressional committee” says Blackwater mercenaries…oops, sorry, that’s “contractors”…are, among other things, covering up shootings of innocent civilians, has “had to fire dozens of guards over the past three years for problems ranging from misuse of weapons, alcohol and drug violations, inappropriate conduct and violent behavior”, and “In more than 80 percent of the incidents, called ‘escalation of force,’ Blackwater’s guards fired the first shots even though the company’s contract with the State Department calls for it to use defensive force only, it said.”
See the problem here? It’s quite obvious. The story that’s critical of the war is on the back page, the “feel-better” story is on the front. Instead of an important, disgusting report about the actions of a small group of war-hungry mercenaries operating under American colors, we get an oversized picture of pumpkins on the front page. I’ve got a big problem with that. I wonder how many people who browsed the print edition and skimmed the online edition even saw this story today. Come to think of it, the PJS is not the only so-called liberal outfit to ignore this story. In fact, here is the current headline above the story at CNN.com: Blackwater boss defends contractors’ ‘honorable’ work.
1. Alaska’s “Bridge To Nowhere” project scrapped.
No one affected by decision.
2. “Crazy” Bull Escapes And Beats Up House.
Just before attack, homeowner was in front yard bragging about his outdoor grilling skills.
3. New phenomenon: Tattoo Remorse.
Nothing like a tramp stamp on a lower back to embarrass your kids. Also fun: when that cute little “sun” tattoo around your belly button becomes an oblong and stretched out semi-circle that looks more like a 3-year old took a couple of Sharpies to you while you slept.
4. Was the pope euthanized?
It this is true, to paraphrase Doc Holliday, it seems the church’s hypocrisy knows no bounds.
5. Greenland wants the world to stay away.
Telling line from the article: Aqqaluk Lynge, president of Inuit Circumpolar Conference Greenland…says. “Every night I pray they don’t find oil and gas in Greenland.” I agree, because if you did, Dubya and The Big Dick would have troops there next week taking out civilians in order to “liberate” you from Denmark.
6. O’Rielly fears Democratic victory in ‘08.
Ah, yes. “We Report…And We Decide For You.”