A Good Year for the Outlaw

I’ve completed my proposed 2008 budget for the radio stations. I’ve taken cues from our current “leadership” (wow, is THAT term used loosely here) to complete it.  Here it is:

1. I’m increasing the external advertising (read: “defense“) by a couple hundred thousand. (Actually, advertising is “offense”, but that’s the way our administration has treated our military since 2003, so the comparison is perfect.)

2. I’m also increasing the maintenance cost of the building by purchasing a bunch of new equipment and replacing things that still function just fine (read: “earmarks” and “even more defense“), and I’m not really setting a cost on that, it’ll just be a surprise.

3. For incredible goodwill in the community, we’re also dropping our advertising rates considerably (read: “tax cuts“). Why force our customers to pay their fair share when they’ll feel so much better paying less? Will this mean the advertisers will invest more with us? Nah. Does it mean more advertisers will come on board? We’re not really going to push that issue, we wouldn’t want to cut into their profits.

To do this, of course, I’m going to need to cut back in other areas.

4. Benefits? Gone. (read: Medicare/medicaid/Social Security). I’m going to recommend to my employees that they privatize their accounts and invest in ‘merika.

5. Actually, they might have a tough time investing after I cut their pay considerably (read: “buh-buy to 151 programs that help the poor“), probably down to that pesky minimum wage, which is WAY to high for a business to survive.

6. But I’m going to make it up to them buy giving them back a couple of hundred bucks each at the end of the year (read: “economic stimulus“). That should shut ‘em up, eh?

Overall, we’re going to lose our asses this year with the 2008 budget, but who cares? We’ll just let the employees 20 years from now (if there are any) make up the difference.

What do you think the owners (read: taxpayers) will think? I’m sure they be delighted.