A Good Year for the Outlaw

Denver Broncos punter/kicker Todd Sauerbrun didn’t have a good day yesterday. He kicked the football directly to Devin Hester not once, but twice (in the same quarter!). Then, when he finally figured out that wasn’t a good idea, he decided to punt right into the outstretched hands of Charles Tillman, resulting in an easy (even for the pathetic Bears’ offense) 18-yard scoring drive. By my calculations, if Sauerbrun and the Broncos had half a brain, they would have won  yesterday’s game 34-16.

To find out what makes this guy tick, this intrepid reporter has acquired Mr. Sauerbrun’s Daily Planner for Tuesday, November 27th:

7am – Guzzle cup of scalding hot coffee

8am – Run up and down stairs with scissors in hand

9am – Stick fork in wall socket to check power

10am – Insert angry ferret into pants

11am – Cut down tree with chainsaw, always making sure to be cutting “up”, with chain over my head

12pm – Try to steal raw meat from Michael Vick’s pit bull

1pm – Shave dry

2pm – Reach into aquarium, try to grab Piranha

3pm – Jog in center lane of interstate

4pm – Cover body in honey, enter bear exhibit at zoo

5pm – Wingwalk on F-15 in stocking feet

6pm – Have dinner with Mike Tyson, tell him he’s “a big sissy”

There you have it, a day in the life of Todd Sauerbrun. This should help explain yesterday’s behavior.