This Just In: Todd Sauerbrun’s Daily Planner Revealed!

Denver Broncos punter/kicker Todd Sauerbrun didn’t have a good day yesterday. He kicked the football directly to Devin Hester not once, but twice (in the same quarter!). Then, when he finally figured out that wasn’t a good idea, he decided to punt right into the outstretched hands of Charles Tillman, resulting in an easy (even for the pathetic Bears’ offense) 18-yard scoring drive. By my calculations, if Sauerbrun and the Broncos had half a brain, they would have won  yesterday’s game 34-16.

To find out what makes this guy tick, this intrepid reporter has acquired Mr. Sauerbrun’s Daily Planner for Tuesday, November 27th:

7am - Guzzle cup of scalding hot coffee

8am - Run up and down stairs with scissors in hand

9am - Stick fork in wall socket to check power

10am - Insert angry ferret into pants

11am - Cut down tree with chainsaw, always making sure to be cutting “up”, with chain over my head

12pm - Try to steal raw meat from Michael Vick’s pit bull

1pm - Shave dry

2pm - Reach into aquarium, try to grab Piranha

3pm - Jog in center lane of interstate

4pm - Cover body in honey, enter bear exhibit at zoo

5pm - Wingwalk on F-15 in stocking feet

6pm - Have dinner with Mike Tyson, tell him he’s “a big sissy”

There you have it, a day in the life of Todd Sauerbrun. This should help explain yesterday’s behavior.

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