A Good Year for the Outlaw

Here’s how NASCAR (or “NAZICAR”, as I call them), FINALLY got me to go completely away. It’s really brilliant.

You take a person who has been hooked on your sport since his youth, and you make decision after decision to lessen that person’s interest. I mean, who would want that kind of fan anymore, you know the kind, the one who actually cares about the sport and spends money on it? Not NASCAR. To get rid of me (for the rest of this diatribe, me = “The Fan”) NASCAR went into “Turn Off The Fan” mode.

These are not in chronological order, but rather listed in “order of decreasing The Fan’s interest” in the sport:

1. Ignoring the short tracks – The best tracks are the small ones…Bristol, Martinsville, Richmond, and those that are now completely off the schedule like North Wilkesboro and Nashville. The Fan prefers the short tracks to the cookie-cutter, 1.5 mile tracks. The Fan also prefers real ovals (Bristol) to the Quad-, Tri- and D-shaped “ovals” prevalent today. Interest level: Down to 90%.

2. Template racing - It used to be “he who builds the best car wins”. NASCAR has consistently changed the rules to “level the playing field”, which ultimately resulted in today’s “template cars”, where the only way to distinguish a car’s make is by the different headlight, grille and taillight decals they slap on them. Sucks. If The Fan wanted to watch 40 identical body styles in one race, The Fan would watch Indy Car racing. The Fan does not. Interest level: 70%.

3. The “Chase For the Cup” – NASCAR has succumbed to the “playoff atmosphere” of other sports. After 26 races, their are only 12 cars left that can win the championship, the “playoffs”.  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Interest level: 47%.

4. Playing Favorites – NASCAR has long been accused of fixing races. The Fan doesn’t know that they ever have out-and-out fixed a race, but they can certainly “help” a race get the desired (in their eyes), by turning the other cheek during inspection, by throwing convenient-for-some yellow flags, all sorts of ways. And NASCAR has done it. Many times. Interest level: 35%

5. Politics and religion – NASCAR does not hide it’s political allegiences. It is a Republican organization, and makes no bones about it. Only GOP presidents are invited to attend races. Drivers are told to “lean right”. No other sport is this blatant in trying to sway it’s followers to vote one way over the other. Likewise, when it comes to religion, NASCAR hides nothing. Their most recent TV contracts  REQUIRE the networks to stay live to hear the “invocation” (re: christian prayer) before each race. Blatantly thumbing their nose at The Fan, who is free of religion. Interest level: 22%.

6. Allowing Toyota into the sport – I know, I know, not very “liberal” of me to be upset about this one. That’s because The Fan is a political moderate, but that’s another story. NASCAR is stock car racing for AMERICAN stock cars. Not Toyotas. The Fan has heard all the excuses: “Chrysler is owned by a German company”, “Toyotas are built here”. Shut up. Doesn’t matter. There are still “the big three” when it comes to making AMERICAN cars. Interest level: 9%.

7. The Last Straw – With no Pontiacs to root for since Chevrolet whined loud enough internally to make GM push Pontiac out of NASCAR, The Fan’s almost minimal interest is limited to “The Anti-Jeff Gordon”, Tony Stewart. A guy who says what’s on his mind. A guy who people love to hate. A guy who is really a liberal but isnt’ allowed to say so because he’d get in trouble with not only NASCAR, but his overtly religious car owner Joe Gibbs if he did. A guy who backs up his talk. A guy who tells reporters to screw off. A guy who calls NASCAR out on their inconsistencies. A guy, like The Fan, who in reality can’t stand NASCAR and what it’s become, but remains part of it because he inherently loves racing…no matter how flawed the sanctioning body is and now matter how hard they try to wreck it. Well, Tony Stewart is, according to reports, going to be driving a Toyota next year in his last year under contract with Joe Gibbs. Gibbs will announce Wednesday that they are going to take Toyota’s cash and run with it. And that’s the last straw. When the only guy you can stomach in the entire damn sport has to get in a vehicle with “toyota” decals all over it, the camel’s back is broken. Interest level: ZERO.

Goodbye, NAZICAR, hope you’re happy.