A Good Year for the Outlaw

Lots of apologists for Barry Bonds and steroid use in general have lots of theories trying to debunk the fact that this guy is cheating scum who has teamed with the likes of Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi, Ken Caminiti, Rafael Palmiero and dozens more who have forever sullied the greatest game. I’d like to offer my responses to these “defenses”.

1. Steroids don’t improve hand/eye coordination.

Say Barry Bonds is already a great player with great hand-eye coordination (which he was). The key to power is bat speed and timing. Take a guy that hits .330 with 30 homers (as Barry used to). Add 50 pounds of muscle, which then increases his strength, which allows him to increase bat speed, which allows him to sit back just that extra fraction of an inch to see the pitch, all of which allows him to hit a ball farther. Now, since 1999, let’s say (conservatively) 75-100 of his homers have been hit into the first our second row of the outfield bleachers (he had a “front row” shot against the Cubs not one month ago).

If he has increased bat speed (which steroids helped him get), if he has increased strength (from steroids), and if he can hit a ball only 4-8 feet farther than he used to, he’s just turned 75-100 outs into homers, thus increasing his batting average as well as his homerun numbers.

2. It’s never been proven that he used steroids.

Um, duh. This argument needs to stop. Now. The man ADMITTED he used The Clear, the Cream, and HGH (Human Growth Hormone) in sworn testimony, and claimed he “didn’t know” it was steroids. Whatever. The whole “it’s never been proven” argument is BY FAR the weakest argument.

3. Steroids were not illegal in baseball.

Again…duh. There is also nowhere in the baseball rulebook where it says “if a player rapes a ballgirl, he will be suspended” and “if a player kills a guy in the offseason, he will be suspended”. But I bet if a player did one of those things, he’d be suspended (okay, maybe not as long as Bud “NoNads” Selig is in charge, but I digress). He might not be suspended by baseball, but it would be tough for him to make the East Coast road swing when he’s locked in Folsom State Prison. Why are these things (murder and rape) not spelled out in the baseball rulebook? Um, because it’s kind of known that they’re illegal OUTSIDE of baseball. Same with steroids. If I’m caught with this stuff in my house, I’m arrested, correct? So should he be.

4. Other guys are using too, so why should he be singled out.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. So they cheated just as much as him? Well, then throw their asses out, too. The best news I’ve seen in baseball all year was that cheater (and liar) Mark McGwire get completely dissed by the Hall of Fame. Actually, the 25% that DID vote for him need to be taken out back and beaten with a Louisville Slugger (just not Sosa’s corked one).

Baseball itself is to blame. The nutless commissioner, the greedy owners, the “turn the other cheek” club executives, the fans who don’t really understand the game and only watch “for the homers” (the same morons who only watch basketball for the dunks and only watch stock car racing for the wrecks), ESPN and other networks that glorify and STILL defend these cheating pricks, they ALL share in the blame.

But they won’t have me to kick around anymore. Buh-bye, baseball. Way to go. Take a 46-year old male who up until this steroid era was one of the few remaining American males who defended baseball as the better game than the overrated football, a guy who spent a lot of money at games over the years, spent a lot of money on jersies, hats, and other baseball-related stuff over the years, just take a guy like that, your bread-and-butter, and piss me off so much that I walk away from the game I love more than any other. Good job.